| CEO | Chief Embezzlement Officer. |
| CFO | Corporate Fraud Officer. |
| Bull Market | A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. |
| Bear Market | A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. |
| Value Investing | The art of buying low and selling lower. |
| Broker | What Walll Street has made me. |
| Standard & Poor | My life in a nutshell. |
| Stock Split | When my ex-wife and her lawyer split my assets equally between themselves. |
| Financial Planner | A guy whose phone has been disconnected. |
| Market Correction | The day after you buy stocks. |
| Cash Flow | The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. |
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